Wednesday, July 21, 2010

The “Do”s and “Don’t”s Of Fixing Your Computer



Yesterday was a bad day for me.  I don’t really want to talk about the Walmart watermelon that literally exploded it’s fermented contents in my face and all over my kitchen though … I want to talk about troubles with my computer.

First let me say, I’m writing this to help y’all … so that you can learn from my mistakes.  You will remember exactly what not to do the next time something odd happens with your computer because you will remember my words of wisdom that are contained HERE.

I admit, my computer area looks like this normally.  100_4255 Go ahead and enter the little tidbit of information into your brain about my computer area being messy, because it’s true and I don’t care.  It might be messy but it’s totally functional with all the important necessities right there at my fingertips.

This is not a problem. at. all.

So I was sitting here yesterday, opened up my Internet Explorer to discover this ….


The font on my screen had suddenly and with no reason, grown ginormous.  Honestly, I had just used the computer 5 minutes before and it was completely normal.  but with fonts this large, my internet exploring was not going to be possible.

I know, I know, you’re thinking to go up there on the menu bar and click the “text size” tab to decrease it, but that doesn’t work.  I don’t know why, but honestly, it doesn’t change the text size for this problem.

I’ve had this problem before though so here’s a really good trick that you all can try right now just for fun.

Hold down the CTL button on your keyboard and turn that scroll wheel on your mouse to increase or decrease the font size on your computer screen.  Pretty cool, eh?!

Ok, so I have a mouse with a scroll button and I use it to decrease the font.

The only problem is … the scroll wheel doesn’t work well.  It’s sticky and in my attempt to decrease it …..


I decreased it too much.  I don’t know about you but at almost 54 years of age, my eyesight just cannot handle something this small.

Not a problem, you say?  Just spin that scroll wheel the other way and increase the font to the perfect size.

Problem though.  I forgot about the little issue with my computer mouse.  We can scroll down with the mouse but the mouse refuses to scroll up, which means, my mouse is not capable of INCREASING the font size.

I know, I KNOW, you’re thinking now “why would you put up with a mouse which doesn’t work properly?  They don’t cost that much … just go buy a new one that works!”

It’s just one of those things that I’ve gotten used to … so used to it that I don’t even think about it anymore.  Kinda like that dead fly up in the ceiling light.  You know it’s up there and every once in a while you look up at the dust covered black spot in the light  fixture and then think “ok, I need to get a chair and climb up there to get that dead fly out … but not today.”

So obviously with the mouse that I have now, I can’t increase the font size.  I do have a mouse on the old computer upstairs so let’s go get that one, plug it in and get this font increased!

Another problem though ….


It’s a working mouse, but it’s old so it’s not made with a USB connection, which means I’m going to have to plug it into the back of the computer instead of the front, where the USB connection is.

Ok, so I really don’t want to pull this computer unit out to access the back because there’s stuff piled on top, there’s stuff piled beside it and there’s stuff piled in front of it too …

So the easiest quickest way is to reach over the screen, find the plug-in spot for this mouse connection and plug it in!

Before I go on, please remember that you will learn from my mistakes because right now, I’m going to tell you about a few mistakes of mine.

100_4263 The clearance between the top of the computer screen and that shelf above it is about hmm… let’s  see  ….oh, about 8”.  Yes, I said EIGHT INCHES.

Helpful hint:  Before inserting yourself into a small space, measure the body part that you are inserting so that you can be sure that it will fit into said space.

So determine was I to get the darn mouse plugged into the back of the computer, I did not even stop to think that perhaps my head and shoulders would not FIT into the area which is above the computer screen and below the shelf.

Here is another helpful hint:  Before trying to insert yourself into a small space above your computer screen, be sure to remove the tall, full glass of ice tea which is sitting right beside the keyboard.

Ok, so after I cleaned up the approximately 12ozs of ice tea that spilled all over the carpet, I went back to inserting my head and shoulders into that small space so that I could plug in the mouse.

Here’s yet another helpful tip: If you are claustrophobic like me, do not try to fit your head and shoulders into the small space which is above your computer screen and below the shelf. 

I didn’t realize that I was stuck until AFTER I realized that the back of the computer did not CONTAIN THE PROPER PLUG CIRCLE SPOT THAT WOULD LET ME PLUG IN THE OLD MOUSE.

Cursing outloud because I went through all of that only to find that the old mouse wouldn’t work, I attempted to pull my head and shoulders out from behind the computer screen.

When I realized that I was just a little stuck, that uncontrollable claustrophobic  panic set in and in just a short amount of time, lots of panicky,crazy thoughts went through my head. … Like,  OMG, Jimmy will not be home from work in another 4 hours, I’VE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE!

  And then I thought, OMG my cellphone is waaaay over there on the dining room table.  I can’t call for help.  I’M TRAPPED AND I CAN’T GET OUT.

Then I thought, OMG, even if I did have the cell phone, I couldn’t call my neighbor to come help me because for sure she’d bring her husband and …. well, let’s just say, they would NEVER EVER let me forget this. 

Then in the same instant, I remembered that the regular, landline phone was sitting right there on the shelf below the computer screen within reach.

And that was enough to calm me down so that I could start to think of how I could get myself out of this stuckdom without calling the fire department.  And then I couldn’t help but laugh at how stupid I must look to someone that might walk in, seeing my head and shoulders stuck behind a computer screen.

I did manage to pull myself out without doing any damage.  There were lots of pens and pencils, paperclip and stamps laying on the floor because of my escape, but it was a small price to pay considering how it saved me from certain humiliation.

So the lesson and a helpful tip to be learned from all of this is:

If your computer mouse is not working, go look through the Sunday ads to find the best deal on a new one.  Then go to Staples and buy it. Because a mouse, on sale for $14.99 is a terrific price compared to the price of humiliating yourself in front of family, friends and possibly the entire fire department.

Happy unclaustrophobic  day !


Terry said...

Holy cow! What an adventure! Live and learn I always say! LOL

adsgram said...

Oh my gosh... ;) your computer area looks just like mine except my drink is a hot coffee! These silly computers are so great UNTIL that one little thing goes wrong, and then it takes an Act of Congress to take care of because of the 'in'convenient piles of necessary 'stuff' at our fingertips! Any time I have a problem that I have to call in my friend to fix, I straighten it all out vowing to keep it that way so I don't have to go through that again. Well, guess what? Fortunately it has two wonderful doors to shut when I am not sitting here. Instant neat and tidy...LOL!!!

Glad your saga ended well, and good luck with the new mouse....


Misslo said...

Made me smile--glad I'm not the only one who puts things off until necessity intervenes. Thanks for your "helpful" hints....and have a great day!

MosaicMagpie said...

Now that sounds like the stuff I go through. What sounds easy, ends up being a big ole mess.
I didn't know about the ctrl button and scrolling to increase font size.Thanks for sharing, you taught this already 54 year old something.

~ Stitchin Sweet Sue ~ said...

Wow Cath, after reading a few lines, well...this is all just too much for me to continue reading ~ lol!

Sans mouse: hold down control button, tap your plus/minus button to change screen size. Each tap increases/decreases the screen image. Maybe you already knew this, but wanted to share anyway:)

Missy aka Birdy said...

I swear I'm laughing WITH you not at you!!!!!


Anonymous said...

This is priceless!! I too and laughing with you and AT YOU!

I would send your blogs to the Times and ask them to make you an entertainment editor....but no one likes the times and no one would see your extronary humor and clutziness.

Casserole Carol

Bonnie said...

I have always said it must have been a man who designed the computer. A woman would have made things more convenient. Going with a wireless mouse and keyboard sounds like a good idea. Glad things are back to normal for you.

Anne said...

My computer did the same thing yesterday. I spent hours in the "control panel" trying to fix it. It's still not the way it was, but it's better than the ginormous font size I had. Wonder what's going on in cyber space?!

Mary on Lake Pulaski said...

Thanks for all the great advice.
Glad your experience ended mostly okay.

Barbara said...

Oh my goodness! I'm practically rolling in the floor laughing hysterically. I'm sorry but your adventures are just really funny. I know what you're talking about with the not being able to live it down though. (Your secret's safe with me) Glad things turned out alright though and hope you don't have anymore adventures for a long while.

Hugs XX


Sheila said...

I am LMBO! not at you mind you, just the situation itself. I thought I was having a bad day when my internet was off for almost 9 hours!!!! I was having withdrawals around two this afternoon! Sad but true.
Someday I will share with everyone MY claustrophobic moment and you will feel so much better!
Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

Sandi said...

My computer was clean two weeks ago but within just a couple of hours it was once again "creatively messy". LOL! Glad everything worked out okay and you didn't have to call the fire department....or the neighbor. :-)

Cath Ü said...

Loved this one... I told you I liked your blog...I can't stop reading it.... LOL

we are so alike......

Cath Ü